Blog Journal

I have created a separate page for my blog journal. The link to the page is on the right side of this blog.

All you need is a box

Gage turned 4 years old yesterday, he was very happy, I was a little sad. Earlier in the week I asked him what he wanted for his birthday dinner. With a puzzled look on his face, he hesitantly said "food?"  I explained that he could pick what kind of food and he excitedly responded, "STRAWBERRIES!"

I usually edit our family movies before posting them so that they aren't too long and boring and don't reveal any embarrassing  moments, but this is original, raw material for your viewing pleasure : )

Marriage Isn’t For You

After nearly 16 years of marriage I still feel like an amateur when it comes to really loving someone. I don't think there will ever be a time when I can honestly say, "I've got it all figured out". There will always be room for learning and improvement.  Gabe and I had a very short courtship and engagement and were married
4 and 1/2 months after first meeting each other. After all of these years, we are still learning how to be "happily married".

By nature I am not an extremely self-less person, I have to make an effort to take my focus off myself and put myself in some else's shoes. Over the past 5 years I have learned more about doing this than the previous 31 years of my life. I still have to work at it and honestly I would rather ignore my own problems and drop everything to go help a friend out, but when it comes to having a successful marriage you can't have the constant mindset "what do I get out of this?"

I came across a blog post a few weeks ago that really made me stop and evaluate my role in my marriage...

Marriage Isn't For You

 By Seth Adam SmithNovember 2, 2013Love and Family

Kim and me after cutting the cake.

Having been married only a year and a half, I've recently come to the conclusion that marriage isn't for me.

Now before you start making assumptions, keep reading.

I met my wife in high school when we were 15 years old. We were friends for ten years until…until we decided no longer wanted to be just friends.  I strongly recommend that best friends fall in love. Good times will be had by all.

Nevertheless, falling in love with my best friend did not prevent me from having certain fears and anxieties about getting married. The nearer Kim and I approached the decision to marry, the more I was filled with a paralyzing fear. Was I ready? Was I making the right choice? Was Kim the right person to marry? Would she make me happy?

Then, one fateful night, I shared these thoughts and concerns with my dad.

Perhaps each of us have moments in our lives when it feels like time slows down or the air becomes still and everything around us seems to draw in, marking that moment as one we will never forget.

My dad giving his response to my concerns was such a moment for me. With a knowing smile he said, “Seth, you’re being totally selfish. So I’m going to make this really simple: marriage isn't for you. You don’t marry to make yourself happy, you marry to make someone else happy. More than that, your marriage isn't for yourself, you’re marrying for a family. Not just for the in-laws and all of that nonsense, but for your future children. Who do you want to help you raise them? Who do you want to influence them? Marriage isn't for you. It’s not about you. Marriage is about the person you married.”

It was in that very moment that I knew that Kim was the right person person to marry. I realized that I wanted to make her happy; to see her smile every day, to make her laugh every day. I wanted to be a part of her family, and my family wanted her to be a part of ours. And thinking back on all the times I had seen her play with my nieces, I knew that she was the one with whom I wanted to build our own family.

My father’s advice was both shocking and revelatory. It went against the grain of today’s “Walmart philosophy”, which is if it doesn't make you happy, you can take it back and get a new one.

No, a true marriage (and true love) is never about you. It’s about the person you love—their wants, their needs, their hopes, and their dreams. Selfishness demands, “What’s in it for me?”, while Love asks, “What can I give?”

Some time ago, my wife showed me what it means to love selflessly. For many months, my heart had been hardening with a mixture of fear and resentment. Then, after the pressure had built up to where neither of us could stand it, emotions erupted. I was callous. I was selfish.

But instead of matching my selfishness, Kim did something beyond wonderful—she showed an outpouring of love. Laying aside all of the pain and anguish I had caused her, she lovingly took me in her arms and soothed my soul.

Love is about family.

I realized that I had forgotten my dad’s advice. While Kim’s side of the marriage had been to love me, my side of the marriage had become all about me. This awful realization brought me to tears, and I promised my wife that I would try to be better.

To all who are reading this article—married, almost married, single, or even a sworn bachelor or bachelorette—I want you to know that marriage isn’t for you. No true relationship of love is for you. Love is about the person you love.

And, paradoxically, the more you truly love that person, the more love you receive. And not just from your significant other, but from their friends and their family and thousands of others you never would have met had your love remained self-centered.

Truly, love and marriage isn't for you. It’s for others.

God WILL give us more than we can handle

A few weeks ago during our Relief Society meeting, someone made the comment, "God will never give us more than we can handle".  I have heard this phrase repeated countless times throughout my life, but for whatever reason, in that moment it made me... not mad, but irritated.  It didn't ring true to me and I went home feeling a bit deflated, rather than my usual spiritual uplift that I have come to count on each Sunday.

Coincidentally my mom had sent me a link to a blog post a week or two before, that I finally got around to opening, and it was exactly what I needed.  God-will-give-you-more...

If God never gave us more than we could handle, than we wouldn't need him.  It's not until we are over loaded and unable to continue on our own, that we need to turn to our Savior and let him lighten our load.

Where to Begin...

Where to begin...  well, I guess the catalyst for writing this is that I feel like I have let some people down who are very important to me.  By "let down" I mean that I have not been there for them when they needed someone to talk to or listen to them, and I am sorry for my (emotional) absence of late (a few years, more like), when they needed a kindred spirit to lift them up.

As a busy mom and preschool teacher I am exactly that, busy, which is why I don't get around to checking my email very often or updating our blog, or even reading other people's blogs.  I have not meant to be distant or seem uncaring, but perhaps it has appeared that way. I love my family, and extended family and am grateful for our relationships.

As many of us often do, I have kept many of my struggles and trials private.  I feel like I have been in "survival mode" for so many years and sometimes I still feel like I am barely keeping my head above water. But I am tired of doggy paddling in the deep end and can't tread these waters rough waters forever, so I'm ready to reach out for a life line ...

In the Fall of 2008, Gabe told me he was leaving the church. For the past five years I have been struggling as a "single" LDS parent, trying to raise my kids in the gospel without his support. Our marriage has struggled because of our differences and many times we've both wanted to throw in the towel. Through the midst of this I have also struggled with severe P.P.D. after the birth of most of my children, and I am to this day still on medication.

I haven't opened up to many people about Gabe's decision to leave the church for many reasons. He is a good person and loving father and I was worried that people would judge him and our family based on their assumptions and misconceptions. But I also felt that I had failed somehow.

To say the least, my life has been an emotional roller coaster. Depression runs on both sides of our family and neither of us or our children have been exempt. But that can be a post for another day. I feel like I have barely scratched the surface, but it's a start.

Scavenger Chore Hunt

We're one week into winter break and my kids are driving me nuts!  Saturday is always a struggle because they expect to be able to play Wii or other electronics all day, but drag their feet when it comes to doing their chores first.  So this morning they were surprised with a fun approach to their jobs.

I left this note on the counter and then placed 5 envelopes with their names on them in easy to spot places.  Their first clue was in each envelope.

It's Saturday and it's always the same,

That doing jobs is completely lame.

But today is different, your chores are a game.

So get ready, get set, and go find your name!

These are some of the clues/jobs I left for them around the house.  The clues that couldn't be put in a specific spot were put on the fridge with their name and the number clue it was.

With a toilet brush and cleaner too, scrub the inside of 3 toilets so there's no sign of 

number one or two.

With some cleaning wipes and a good scrubbing hand, clean the outside of 3 toilets until they're the cleanest in all the land.

With a sponge, a cleaning toothbrush and 409 spray, clean mom and dad's bathroom sinks so they look more white than gray.

With a sponge, a cleaning toothbrush and 409 spray, clean the kids bathroom sinks so they look more white than gray.

Splattered with water and toothpaste and germs galore, all the bathroom counters and faucets need to be scrubbed to the core.

Using a rag and window cleaner, scrub the mirrors in two bathrooms.

With a rag and Windex clean the mirrors in mom and dad's bathroom.

Fold 15 pieces of laundry and put them in the correct piles.

Find 10 things to put away, where they belong!

Write someone a nice note and put it on their pillow.

Do your dishwasher duty, then go give mom or dad 5 bear hugs!

Collect the dirty clothes from all the bedrooms and bring to laundry room

Sort the the dirty clothes in laundry room into darks, colors and whites.

Clean under your bed, tidy the floor around your bed,

Jump on your bed, then make your bed.

Do a secret act of kindness for someone and try not to get caught!

Vacuum the piano room and the upstairs hallway.

Vacuum the rugs by the front door and the carpet in front family room.

Use the new shop vac to vacuum in front and around the wood stove.

Clean off the kitchen table and wipe it clean.

Here are some tips for placing the clues so you can keep everything in order:

-For each child put the clues in the order you want them to be done; fold them in half.

-On one side right the child's name and the # clue it is, on the opposite side right down where you will be placing the clue i.e. the first clue will be in their envelope, so the 2nd clue should be placed where they will be when they finish the first task.

A Much Needed Updated, (according to my mother anyway).

Gosney Family Updates:

-On Gage's first day of preschool, Mason asked him if he wanted to wear underwear since preschooler's don't wear diapers, and he's been potty trained ever since. I didn't even know he was wearing underwear until 1/2 way through the day!

-After receiving 2 feet of snow this week, I learned that our snow blower has a reverse mode, but not until after spending an hour plowing our driveway.

-We are living more harmoniously with the "thieving" deer that infest our yard now that apple season is over.

-We lost 2 chickens to raccoon's, then Gabe remedied the situation with some traps.

-We learned that Tucker and Hayden are not squeamish when it comes to skinning and tanning a raccoon.

-We now know that we need to feed our chickens our food scraps before it gets dark, otherwise the deer jump into their run and help themselves.

-I will be getting Mason an address book for Christmas since he comes home from school with 2-3 new friend's phone numbers every week and insists on calling them all by himself to set up play dates.

-I am learning to be more patient with my "type 4" preschooler (for those who are familiar with The Child Whisperer or Dressing Your Truth".  If he wants to do something by himself, which is nearly everything, I can't interrupt or interfere or he has to start all over, which causes much lamenting on my part if we are trying to get out the door in a hurry. Once he even put his pj's back on after I had "helped" him get dressed, and he climbed back into bed to start over "the right way".

-One of the positive aspects of Gage's type 4 energy is that I can tell him something we are going to do later in the day, or even the week, and he is content knowing that it will happen at some point.  Where as Mason can't be told anything unless it's happening at that very moment, otherwise he spends all his time complaining and asking, "is it time now?"

-Hayden's current obsession is origami. He brought home a book from the school library that has easy things kids can make and he spent hours at the table showing his brothers all the fun things they can make.  Now our table and piano are covered with paper viking hats and fortune tellers.

-Last week Hayden's obsession was dressing like the 4th Doctor from "Doctor Who", who apparently wears an ascot and a 12 foot scarf.  So Hayden made himself an ascot from scrap material I had and connected 2 scarves together to achieve the look he was going for.  Luckily I had found a vest and dress coat at D.I. to help complete the ensemble. Hayden wore that outfit to school everyday last week!

-Brianna and I went on a girl date last night and saw the new Hunger Game's movie, "Catching Fire".  If you are fans of the book, you won't be disappointed!  With 5 boys in the house, we have try to get out a few times a month to have girl time and maintain our sanity : )

-Tucker still hopes to aspire to be a Hobo some day, but for now is content with staying home with us and finds much joy in getting a rise out of Mason, any way he can.  Tucker also has a "type 4" energy and likes to be his own authority on everything.  This causes issues at school because if he doesn't respect a teacher, he dismisses their authority and lives by his own rules.  Tucker usually holds the title of Drama Queen in our home, because if he needs to do something that he isn't keen on, such as unloading the silverware in the dishwasher, then everything is horrible and his life ruined.  I have shared the following story with some, but not all, so here it is... but if you need to use the bathroom, please do so before continuing.  I promised someone, who will remain unnamed, that I would give advance warning next time, after the Hobo Post had an overwhelming effect on their bladder.

A few months ago, Tucker was complaining about some chores he didn't want to do and was whining about how unfair his life was. I reiterated that in our family we all work together to help out and that we all need to do our part.  Unswayed by my comment, he continued with his complaining and was trying to make his case as to why he shouldn't have to do any jobs. Now this is a common occurrence with Tucker and he will often spend more time and energy trying NOT to do something, rather then put in the 10 minutes it would take to just do it. But he was more determined then usual to make a point, so he told me that he hated his life and was going to kill himself. (Tucker likes get a rise out of people and doesn't hold back when he wants to get a reaction).  I stayed composed and replied, "I'm sorry you feel that way. We would really miss you."  This was not the response he was hoping for and he stormed off. A few minutes later he returned, now holding out his pocket knife and even more determined to make his point, "I mean it Mom, I'm going to kill myself!"  I replied matter-of-factly, "Well I'm really sorry to hear that, but if you have to do it, please do it in the bathtub so I don't have to clean up the mess."

I want to be a Hobo When I Grow Up

This week Tucker was highlighted as the All Star Student in his class.  He was a given a questionnaire to fill out about himself, these are his answers:

When I grow up I want to be: a hobo

I would love to visit this place: a box on the side of the road

My favorite food is: any food I can find

I love to watch: the cars go by

My favorite sport is: finding food

My favorite hobby is: drinking

My favorite hero is: the guy that never starves

Something that you don't know about me is: that I am a hobo

A funny story about me is: I eat out of the sewer


Luckily his teacher has a good sense of humor and laughed heartily over his answers.

This is the poster he took into his class

Hayden's latest film project, Alien Attack!

Pie Contest

A few weeks ago our city had their annual end of summer festival, "Woodland Hills Days", and I decided to enter the pie baking contest.  I wanted our family to go and participate in the festival, but often times we opt to not go because it can be quite an ordeal taking our rambunctious boys out in public. I entered the contest so we would have to go : )

Two of my favorite desserts are pistachio torte and strawberry pie, so I decided to combine the best of both in hopes of creating a winning combination.  This was my first time making this and I didn't have enough ingredients to make two pies, so I wasn't able to taste my new creation.  With fingers crossed, I submitted my pie... and I won!

Strawberry Pie Recipe